#TransformationTuesday

It’s always tough to talk about one’s body image regardless of your size. I know the minute I complain about my body, I’m going to hear things like, “Why are you complaining? You’re so thin!” and “Why do you need to eat healthy?” But I always tell people just because I’m thin doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be eating right and exercising. Even as a thin person, I too suffer from body insecurities and have been experiencing this more than ever these past 6 months. Finishing chemo may have seemed like “the end”, but dealing with weight gain, losing all of my eyelashes and most of my eyebrows, and a handful of other physical side effects have not been fun. Contrary to popular belief, many people actually gain weight during chemo due to all the drugs (especially steroids) that they give you and for me, that was definitely one of the most challenging parts to deal with post-treatment, both physically and mentally.  I know I’m lucky when I say that my weight hasn’t fluctuated a lot over the past 10 years so when I gained over 10% of my bodyweight in just 3 months of chemo treatments, I was in shock. For someone who loves clothes as much as I do, not being able to fit into my favorites dresses and jeans made me break down in tears.

I was angry and sad all at the same time, but more than ever, I now had motivation. Since January, I’ve been a regular at the gym, spending nearly 2 hours a day there, almost 5 days a week. I tried my best to eat right and now nearly 6 months later have just started to feel back to my normal sized self. Even though I’m still not down to my pre-chemo weight, I decided to stop weighing myself because in the end, it’s just a number. My husband thinks I’m in the “best shape of my life” and I am definitely the strongest I have ever been. People can say, “You look great” and “You don’t need to lose any weight” all they want, but in the end, it’s about how you feel. We are for sure our biggest critics. We can transform ourselves physically as much as we want, but in the end, maybe what we need is some real mental transformation to be happy with ourselves.

To quote Cher from one of my favorite movies, Clueless –

“Later, while we were learning about the Pismo Beach diaster, I decided I needed a complete make-over, except this time I’d make-over my soul.”

How deep!